[ Makenzie Way, 2020 Law Graduate at the University of Pennsylvania ]
Most people understand that studying for the bar exam is hard. But unless they’ve studied for it themselves or watched someone else go through the process, they’re likely unaware of just how difficult and time-consuming it is. This puts bar prep students in the awkward position of navigating the murky waters of balancing relationships against the demands of bar prep life.
If there’s someone in your life studying for the bar exam, there’s a good chance they wish you knew some of the following things:
- Don’t be surprised if we fall off the face of the earth. Studying for the bar exam is not like studying for a high school or college exam. We don’t just study for a few hours each day; we study for upwards of six or more hours, seven days a week. It’s akin to a 9-5 job.
- Don’t be offended if we say we can’t hang out in the evenings. Though technically we may be ‘free’ in the evenings, that doesn’t necessarily mean we have the energy to engage socially. We want to see you, but often we need to use our free time in the evenings to rest and recharge so we can go through the whole process again the next day.
- Our weekends aren’t necessarily free. Some students take a one-day break on the weekend; others do not. It really depends on each person’s individual study schedule and needs to prepare. So please don’t just assume that we’re available for weekend road trips during this crazy time in our lives.
- Chances are finances are tight during bar prep. Many bar takers recently graduated from full-time legal studies — meaning, they didn’t work steadily during the last three years. Likewise, most bar takers do not work full-time, or at all, while preparing for the bar exam. Thus, we may be financially limited in what we can afford to do.
- Our emotions are all over the place. If we seem moody, or we lash out, please know we’re not in our right minds at the moment. Studying for the bar exam has its ups and its downs. Some days, we’ll be full of energy and happy because we feel like we’re making good progress; other days, we’ll be burnt out or upset by a bad test score. It’s not you, it’s just bar prep taking its toll on us.
- Being flexible with your activity suggestions helps us stay socially active. The further into bar prep we get, the less we can take full days or weekends off. So instead of suggesting an activity that requires a sizable commitment of time, suggest walking the dog together for 30 minutes, watching a movie at home, grabbing lunch or coffee at a nearby café, or even just chatting via a phone/video call.
- Please, please, please, do not downplay what we’re going through. Yes, objectively speaking, there are more important things going on in the world. But subjectively, the bar exam stands between us and gainful employment; us and our career goals; us and paying off our student debt. Doing well is important to us, so we ask that you show some empathy and act accordingly.
- Even if we don’t respond, we appreciate any emotional and practical support you give. Please don’t misread our silence as indifference. Your text messages and the small gestures are noticed and appreciated.
- If we’re studying at home, please consider that we require adequate space and relative silence when studying. To the extent possible, please try to keep noise and disruptions at a minimum while we’re engaged in our studies.
- Finally, test days are some of the most stressful days of our lives. You may want to know how we feel after each day and make sure we’re alright. While your concern is greatly appreciated, we may want to take time to relax, do some last-minute studying or simply be alone. It’s nothing personal. We’ll see you on the other side of the bar exam!